So I woke up this morning with a serious case of crippling insecurity about my writing ability. After whining about it on Twitter it appears I'm not the only neurotic writer out there.
It makes me feel better that even successful published writers suffer the same doubts and often suffer the same struggles with their writing process.
Because somewhere in my masochistic subconscious I hold onto this silly fantasy that those same successful published writers sit down and write a perfect polished first draft the first time through and never have to rewrite or edit. On days like today, when I feel like I'm incapable of writing anything "good" and that every word I type sucks, as does the story as a whole, I tend to whip out that little "published-writers-write-perfect-drafts-first-time-out" gem and flail myself with it.
On good days, I know that every writer has to work hard to perfect their manuscripts and they're all as neurotic as I am so I'm in good company. Then I'm able to coach myself with the belief that if there are so many authors out there capable of being published, why not me too?
Logically, I know I can do it, but I think art and neuroses often go hand in hand. So maybe I'll just allow myself the luxury of wallowing for a little while, then I'll mentally slap myself around until I snap out of it.
Either way, I can't NOT write so my only option is to keep at it and convince myself that even if the first draft sucks, that's what revision and editing are for...to make it not suck!
But for today, I'll just keep telling myself: I know I can, I know I can, I know I can, I know I can......