Saturday, April 24, 2010

Beer + Golf = Job

Yesterday I started my summer job where I drive a beer cart like a maniac around a golf course and sell beer to old farts.

(For those of you new to this saga, an update: my day job for the last 15+ years has been medical transcription. In March my computer crashed and I can't afford a new one right now - read "broke." Because of the stupid [expletive deleted] company I work for I haven't been able to get unemployment, so I've been totally panicked because I've had absolutely no income. I've applied for every freakin' job I can find - apparently I'm seriously overqualified for everything. Hubby works summers as the cook at the golf course so he got me this job.)

This is what I learned the first day on the job:

1. Usually the cart "girl" is an attractive young girl. I am not young, nor am I a girl (well, I'm female, but a woman not a girl). I also do not believe myself to be attractive. Therefore, I will likely get a lot of crap from the old guys about all of these things.

2. I know nothing about golf other than the sandy places are bunkers; the light green, well-groomed spots with the flags are the greens; and I recognize the tee boxes. Rules? Well, I know you have to be quiet when the golfers are teeing off or else they'll yell at you (cuz, you know, they're all such awesome golfers you have to respect them with silence, right?)

3. I get lost easily. I'm not sure where the fairways end and the normal landscaping begins. It makes me nervous driving across the fairways cuz I'm sure somebody's going to scream at me.

4. I've never driven a golf cart before yesterday. It sounds like a lawnmower and it's super bouncy, especially at the speeds I'm driving. When I trained with the club house manager, he drove like a lunatic. I thought I'd fall out of the cart. When I started driving, I drove like an old granny. By the end of the day I think I could have taken the manager in a race. It was fun.

5. I don't drink beer, so they're all the same to me. I learned yesterday that cranky old golf farts are picky about their beers. Important lesson.

6. Selling beer to old farts on the golf course requires surprisingly more flirting than I expected. I've been married for 20 years this October. My flirting skills are seriously rusty...not that I was ever all that great at it to start with. Amazingly, I still made good tips.

7. I like making tips. It's fun to leave my job with a giant wad of cash in my pocket.

So, in a nutshell, that was what I learned on my first day. Today's my second day. Being a Saturday I'm anticipating it'll be much busier. I will certainly be sharpening my wit, brushing up on my flirting skills, and learning more about golf and beer throughout the day.

All of these skills will be most useful as I pursue a writing career, right?


Carolina Valdez Miller said...

Oh, I think any life experience can become valuable writing material. But I do feel for you. This can't be the easiest job, yet you've described it so comically. I laughed out loud several times. I say enjoy it as best you can. Laugh at/with the old farts and take it in stride. When it gets to be too much, just dip your hand into your pocket and feel your wad of cash. Tips are always a pleasant distraction.

Simon C. Larter said...

I don't know... flirting skills can be pretty essential for the male writer in a female-dominated blogosphere, perhaps aiming for good sales to the female-dominated reading public. But I wouldn't know anything about that. 'Cause I'm an innocent. Pure as the driven snow, don't you know. (I rhyme sometimes too.)

No comments, Carol, on any of what I've just said. Thanks in advance.

(I don't know what this comment had to so with the content of your post, actually. I might have lost my train of thought somewhere along the way. It happens.)

Simon C. Larter said...

Oh, and now I think of it? Remember that time a couple weeks back when you challenged me to write a sonnet on Twitter, vodka, and rock chicks? Yeah. I hadn't forgotten.

I think you need to write a sonnet on old farts, golf, beer, and flirting. It's only fair. :)

CDP said...

This job should yield a TON of material!

Kelly said...

You seem to have a great attitude about it! Just keep thinking "Life experience" and tips! I'm sure you'll have a ton of fun with it!

Cheryl said...

Yes, please use this material! Sounds like it would make a great story! Those 'old farts' sound like they must be hilarious.

Yay tips!