Sunday, June 20, 2010

Bad Boy Blogfest


Wow! Another blogfest. I love these things. It's fun to share something I've written, then check out everyone else's scenes. Thanks to Tina over at Sweet Niblets for this one. I mean, who can resist a bad boy? It's like chocolate - you know you shouldn't but it's so hard to be good!

This scene is out of the new sci-fi novel I'm working on. It's first draft unedited, so be patient with me. The MC is Jaska. He's a contract slave from another galaxy on a mission to win his freedom but accidentally ends up on Earth where he meets Amie in New York. This is his first meeting with her from his perspective. (And a PTD is a personal translocation device).


I've never seen anyone with hair that color. She ran right into me while I was shaking the lousy PTD trying to get it working so I could get the hell out of wherever this place is. I’ve been to cities bigger than this one, some encompassing entire planets. I’m not intimidated by hordes of people living in such close proximity. It happens everywhere. But it is intimidating to find yourself in a place where the language is foreign. And I speak a lot of languages. A quick glance confirms that this is easily a third or even fourth world planet. No advanced tech and probably no off-world contact. Time to leave.

But then this woman runs into me and I can’t stop staring at the hair. It’s the color of desert sand at sunset. She asks me something in her language, which is harsh-sounding and tongue twisting. I quit staring at her hair and focus on her eyes, which are such a light blue they’re nearly gray. Her face is sprinkled with dainty freckles. She asks me something again.

“Look, lady, I can’t understand you,” I say, pointing at my ears like that’ll help her understand. I give the PTD another shake, then shrug my shoulders. “My translocation device is shot.”

She looks at me funny. I’ve known enough women to recognize the look. She’s attracted. I sigh. Then she grabs my arm and pulls. Not a good idea. It’s bad enough to have a chip implanted in my neck restricting me, but I’m not a fan of being man-handled. Even by a gorgeous woman. She backs off some and says something else. I can’t tell what from the words, but she softens her tone then offers her hand. Well, why not. The blasted PTD is dead and I’m not going to fix it standing here in the middle of all these people. If I’m going to need help it may as well be easy on the eyes.

I roll up the PTD and stuff it in my pack, then pull the translator from my compad and cram it in my ear. I’ve never used it because every kid learns enough languages to get by in the world before he’s ten. I’ve learned even more in my line of work. But I’m going to need the translator now. It’s supposed to be able to learn new languages quickly. Let’s hope. I sling my pack over my shoulder and take her hand. It’s slim and dainty in mine and her skin is cool to the touch. Damn. I’ve gotta be careful.

There you have it. Hope you enjoyed! Now, go over to Tina's place and read the rest!

19 comments:

Mia said...

OMG I LOVE THIS.

The voice is so compelling! I love his POV!

Great entry!!

(man, that's a lot of exclamation points... oops)(but they're only there because I really do love it)

Ariel said...

That is fabulous! I agree...the voice is great!

Mesmerix said...

Nice. I'd be interested in reading more of this. I really liked this Jaska guy.

Olivia Herrell said...

I'm with the others, I love it. Jaska has a great voice and I'd totally read more of his adventures. Sounds like a fun read!

Thank you for sharing, Olivia

P.S. Would you drop by and check out my bad boy? I'm in need of some input, and thanks!

Donna Hole said...

Ohh, a rogue and a wander. He feels like fun; someone you'd want to get to know, even though he seems kinda cynical. I'm sure the pretty lady will change that attitude for him, but right now, he's very interesting.

Nice voice and pacing. The story and his character moved right along. Engaging to the end.

........dhole

Raquel Byrnes said...

This was so fun to read. I like that he's got all these problems and she has no idea. Very urgent and frazzled scene clarified by the attractions. Nice job.

katehaggard said...

I'm left wondering just what his line of work is that he knows so many, many languages. An intriguing guy to say the least.

And, like everyone else, his POV is great.

stu said...

He certainly has a strong voice, though I'm not sure he comes across as all that bad straight away.

Tessa Conte said...

OMG I LOVE THIS
(I know Mia already said that, but it bears repeating!!)

I like Jaska!

"But then this woman runs into me and I can’t stop staring at the hair. It’s the color of desert sand at sunset." LOVE THAT BIT!!

Can't wait to hear more about him... we will, right? ; )

Amalia T. said...

Jaska definitely comes across as worldly! (or should I say Universe-ly?) And you definitely let us sink right into his head really well! Nice scene!

Talei said...

I love this.. "Its the color of desert sand at sunset"...totally got me reading. Definitely a bad-boy but an intriguing one. Nicely done. ;)

M. Bail said...

Thanks everyone! I'm glad that Jaska is intriguing enough to keep everyone interested.

Kate: his line of work? criminal! (galactic criminal - gotta speak a lot of languages when your committing crimes on different worlds!)

Stu: He's a bad boy, all right. But with a heart (even if he isn't completely aware of it [or comfortable with it] yet)

Tessa: There will definitely be more of Jaska (and the redhead is Amie). I'll probably be posting scenes for other blogfests but now that you're on the "inside" at CritiqueThisWip...you'll definitely be seeing a lot more of them!

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Glad you could join us for the Movie Dirty Dozen!

Dawn Embers said...

I like the scene but... I might be the only one who doesn't see it, for I don't see him as bad. He comes off as a decent fellow to me. And that is quite the confusing predicament to be in, language barriers and all.

M. Bail said...

Dawn - He is the hero of the story, and he does some not so nice stuff. He's rough around the edges. He's not "bad" as in evil, but "bad" as in oooohhh, he's soooo bad!

elizabeth mueller said...

Ooo, niiiice voice you've got going here, Margaret!! I love it! He is a bad boy for breaking protocol, isn't he? ;)

Thank you for your comments on my blog!
Btw, did I ever give you my email address so that I can get your address for the book you won from the Breaking the Rules Blogfest? :(

I'm sorry if I didn't! Could you please send me your address? Thank you!!! elizabethmueler6ATgmailDOTcom ;)

Roland D. Yeomans said...

He's not a bad boy really. He's just in a bad situation. Mia is right. The voice here is compelling. You did great, Roland

Nishant said...

The voice is so compelling!
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